the tea:

This diary is becoming more a of confessional to my soul. 

I was thinking about my last post, just like ranting and freaking out lol. 

but in a dark moment i’m still choosing to continue. 

and that to me is the most profound.

i’ve spoken with a lot of my friends, 

they seem to all also be down,

thinking of others thoughts

trying not to judge themselves.

the world around us is on fire. 

we must take shelter.

but i personally

wanna be outside.

I still feel like I will be safe. I will make it. My life will continue. 

that’s what it is. 

I got so scared by that cop because i legit felt that this person i’ve never met had the power in that moment to take my life away.

that all my dreams, all my ambitions all what i had hoped for was at the mercy of this persons choice. 

Black history month passes and a new dawn of hell sprung. 

i’m reading apocalyptic fiction about angels rn.

susan girl can write.

i’ve been reading to keep my mind off the scary thoughts. and im asking to be reminded of why im loved.

i can really only woe is me for like one day and i gotta keep it pushing. 

I have every reason to continue. 

I hate that I feel like this is what the world comes to. 

I hate that I feel this.

But it’s not true. It’s just a fear around me, because nature continues.

I must remind myself that nature continues.

I am nature and I continue. 

period.  

I recognized a weakness I had. A thought I let myself have, i’m not sure where it seemed from, but a notion to let others have a power over me. Their judgments of me righteous before my own. 

How dare I relinquish such disposition.

How dare I?

I genuinely should care about my thoughts on my own.  No one really cares. 

and that’s okay. like you can sympathize all you want with me, but deeeeeep, Im talking deep. No one really cares. 

like too a degree this is true. 

We all have to separate ourselves. 

If I can genuinely not care, then I can release myself of the punishment. 

My life is my own. 

I make my full choices. 

The part is where Im standing on it. 

I must stand on it. 

10 french freshly pedicured toes. 

period. 

local diva out. 

P.S , I’m just loving this banter i have with myself. such a diva. im so funny.