Self worth & Redmption:

Dear Diary,

Gotta remain disciplined. Yet, i’m trying to figure out the difference between doing all the things I said I was going to do and not burning myself out.

I get a weird anxiety when it comes to a task I gave myself, the thing needs to get done, and the more I don’t take action on it the more I feel insane.

So my solution: do it.

Okay so the thing is done, I feel better. Yet another thing comes up, same cycle.

Howww Cann i take acctionnnn towards what I want with out anxiety brewing pressure at me before I even start the damn thing.

Yah that’s the thing. The damn anxiety. Those damn little nagging voices. chitta chattering at the best parts of my frontal lobe.

God. I cry and scream and weep and sorrow at the alter. Wondering why I was punished by the divine for the situations I’ve been in. But I cannot let it define me, my mother says. You have to stand strong against all odds, against all the pain, against all the hate.

We humans treat our lives so poorly. Demanding we be successful in this and in that. Ignoring the wild flames inside our hearts beating and bursting for something new.

Earth is school for the soul to learn. All I suppose we have learned thus far, is pain, sorrow, strife and scarcity mindset, how it loops us in this endless groundhog day.

To that I say shut it down and shut the fuck up….

Genuinely, you gotta grip your brain between the folds, and scream into your subconscious.

YOU DESERVE LIFE.

YOU DESERVE A JOYOUS LIFE.

YOU DESERVE A WEALTHY LIFE.

YOU DESERVE A RICH LIFE.

PERIOD.

nothing else. IDGAF if it takes 10 years to get to the reality you wanna be in. YOU BETTA WORK FOR IT. not in a sense of an endless grind , because that can seriously fuck you up.

But I’m saying do the damn healing. Sit down! Chill out!

Look at your fear mindsets and acknowledge the pain and sit with it and then sit with it some more.

Make the scary changes, maybe you gotta nickel n dime for a bit, maybe you gotta build it back up. In those moments, don’t fucking settle for a reality, for a job, for a person that you don’t resonate with????

Don’t sit here n fucking tell yourself you want something and then just go for the easier option.

Thats bogus, there is no honor in that.

Do the hard shit, it builds extra aura points.

I love cussing, I genuinely hate that its so taboo. It is for effect! It is for emphasis!

I emphasize to you dear angel reader, do the damn thing. With a wild ferocious intention. Without them annoying flies buzzing beratings belittling your efforts.

Because if you have the belief that you’re a burden, that all your efforts lead to nothing.

Then that is what you receive.

If you notice that people don’t treat you with respect consideration or care, and let them?

Then that is what you receive.

You have to believe different.

You have to believe that they were , are wrong.

You have to reject that reality.

Say no.

Because you cannot accept that.

You cannot allow the belief that it is what you deserve.

You cannot accept that as truth, as it is confirmed, as fact.

Because it is not.

Because you deserve to believe good things. You deserve good things. You need to know that.

Because you need yourself to be good. You need yourself.

You need what you create. You need to create it.

You are the door, you are the gateway to the next era.

You are the portal.

So I plead you and myself too.

Stay strong against the rough waters, harsh winds and those choppy ass roads.

You will get to your destination.

Nothing great ever came without trials.

You can.

you will

and you already have.

TRUST!!