Diary Entry 3

I’ve mentioned before that i hate the noise. I can’t hear myself think. It’s like physically over stimulating for me. Let’s spill some tea. The real tea about me.

ugh. Dec.14.2024. So, I hit my head. BAD. concussion, herniated disks, muscle tension, constant post traumatic headaches. Hospital.Doctor.Hospital.Doctor.Doctor.Doctor. Feelings of depression, sadness, anxiety, and pain. This is what my 2025 looked like.

I shared a bit of hit here and there but never loud enough to tell the they’s that i’ve been hurt so badly. I was told that i fell so hard I could’ve cracked my skull open.

The healing process. sometimes I was in so much pain I wondered why the skull didnt crack. but then at times I was almost glad I fell.

This year I have never felt so much gratitude for the simplest of things, such as a moment of silence. a moment of relief. A moment where i could sleep in a bit more and the world was still around me.

Lately I’ve been seeking silence.

I’ve been seeking my own peace .

Everything around me right now feels like so much noise. What she said to me, how this person spoke to me, what i should’ve said, what i didn’t say.

So fucking caught up in other people. WHAT ABOUT ME???

What about what I say ?

It still completely baffles me that I too have an effect. That I too can invoke a shift, a change, a gust of wind. lol

w.e

So with this great wind of change , I give it to the sails, so I can travel through the sea to my island where I am free.

How can I miss a land I’ve never been to?

I’ve been learning about the history of haiti, why it was so important.

My people freed themselves because they knew where they came from.

My people never lost themselves.

That is why .

“never back down,

never,

what?

never back down” This is a motto my sister and I yell at each other all the time.

So me slipping backwards, taught me that I had to get up.

It taught me that me backing down is everything that the people who’ve doubted me wanted.

It taught me that standing up, evening if im shaking , is the best thing that i can do for myself.

im crying…..

Gemini Full moon just past… I’m actually curious about what I’m being called to release.

lol the pain and heartbreak duh

come back to love is what I tell myself.

How can I forgot how much I am adored by the ones I love.

How can I forget how much I love?

my brother sings that song… I loveeee, I loveeeee , I love i love I love …

So with this post, with this blog, I come back to love. I come back to my sense of creation. My sense of me.

Thanks for reading.

xoxoSarhngel