This summer is already over?

Dear Diary,

An ode to all my angels.

I’m not sure, is it just me? The days are so hot and the nights turn to dawn. I feel the fall breeze but it’s july?

Idk. This summer has taught me to face myself in ways I thought I already have. Yes, mercury has certainly been in retrograde.

I’m learning that I need to take my passions more seriously. It feels weird to me to say that I care about my writing, or that I care about my art. That I want to be seen doing these tasks, that I want to be known in that light.

I’m learning to accept it anyway. It feels odd, to be witnessed. It makes me want to shrivel inside myself. Why do I cower when faced with the light of myself?

Why do I feel like my skin is being forcibly peeled back?

I feel also I should have gratitude. Because although i feel this intense fear, i ache to be on the other side of it.

A side of knowing.

That side of self who trusted all along.I committed to this spiritual journey of self or elevation and enlightenment. Yet I have forgotten bits and pieces of the selves that matter most to me .

Chasing the scene. Chasing the money. Chasing the feeling of security even though it felt so fleeting. Trying to doing everything alone.

This life of mine is sacred. Everyday I wake up, and I am given the chance to continue. For all the times, I’ve given up I get my redo.

This summer feels like a sunburn. I’ve just been needing an Ice-pop.

I’m remembering to cool down. I’m remembering the season I’m in. I’m remembering that I can slowdown. That I must slow down. It is required so that I can create.

That’s all its about really. Wanting to create, having the time, having the encouragement, feeling like community cares.

Accepting, that things don’t happen in the ways I want. Accepting that, that is totally okay. Accepting that I can try again tomorrow.

This summer feels like a rebirth. Like I’m learning to love myself and others again. Not in a superficial way, but in the ways that I find beauty in all the faces.

It’s strange to have this conscripted notion that we should do it all on our own. I need other people and there are people who need me. Sometimes it helps that in moments when I cant show up for myself, I can show up for others and I am reminded of why I matter. Of how I can make a difference and change. Not for validation, but a need of remembrance, that this life I have can feel long and be short. That things are temporary and change is constant.

I want to give back in the ways I can. In the ways that feel sacred to me.

This summer feels like a redemption era. I like a phoenix am hot as coal. burning hot. burning bright. raw heat baby.

Thanks for reading! lmk what you thinkkkk.

xoxoSarhngel

Also posted on my sub-stack : )))))

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